Boda Boda

Okay, prepare yourself b/c this will probably be a very long entry. My thoughts are just all over the place and so much has happened in the past few days. First about bicycles...there was this song playing in the matatu today that goes, "Ride Boda Boda", and i learned that boda boda is a bicycle. basically the song talks about a guy who gets pulled over by the police and loses his license and so he's going to ride his boda boda instead. i thought this was really funny for some reason. and speaking of bicycles today, Dottie told me that she wishes she could learn to ride a bicycle. she is 24. imagine being 24 in america and never haven ridden a bike!!!

on another transportation note, tuesday night i headed home in a matatu. a block away, we turned down an alley and were stuck in a jam...i thought. then some man, in normal clothes, comes up to our driver and hold up hand cuffs. then proceeds to handcuff the driver after an exchange of a few words. another man was standing by with a radio walkie talkie, so i guess they were plain clothed (undercover) cops. then everyone started getting out of the matatu and went back to find a new one to take home. i did the same b/c i feared what was going to happen. so strange to just randomly be pulled over and get arrested.

i've really been thinking a lot about empowering people here, after discussing this for a long time with steve on thursday. he was talking a lot about his soccer ministry and how they really try to get local people to lead things so they gain experience. he was saying how it's important that people can continue to progress after he leaves, or i leave, etc. this is so true, and i know it. but my control freakish personality is such a hinderance sometimes. i really made a big effort yesterday to let other people take charge when we went to the juvenile home. i've been leading the show a lot...and for what? who am I? definitely no better than the rest of the team and i can't even speak swahili. i think i tend to take over b/c things aren't planned, so i naturally decide to come up with a plan. hmmm...how to balance this? then there's this other part of me thinking about short term things. like we're planning this christmas event in december to give gifts to the slum kids and food too. and this really isn't empowering them at all and maybe the feeling of receiving a gift will only last one day. but is it bad to make someone smile, if only for a day, or a few minutes?? or does temporary stuff only offer false hope? what if you aren't fixing long term problems but you're showing them you care and that ultimately God loves them--i hope this part can be a lasting message. can this short term help turn into something long term? and what if it doesn't? does it set anticipations high and lead to disappointment? i get really frustrated and overwhelmed with all this wondering if me being here is futile. i know you will all argue against this...still i wonder. hopefully one day of spending time with a person goes further than i think. i'm reading this great book called Kaffir Boy, about apartheid in south africa. there's a line in the book that says, "whenever the troubles of this world seem too much, it helps to have someone loving and understanding to share those troubles with."

like today, i was with dottie the whole day. we were all over the city basically accomplishing nothing, so i hope there was a higher purpose in all that. this is the girl that has aids, but it's hard b/c she hasn't actually told me this yet. and i really didn't want to press the issue. i was hoping she would tell me. it's difficult knowing something so personal about someone but feeling like you shouldn't talk about it. but the thing is that i'm sure she wants to talk about it. in so many indirect ways she almost brought it up. she talked about how she really wants to help kids that have AIDS b/c they can be socially alienated by classmates here. apparently it's taboo to talk about it. and she was telling me she was always sick as a kid. i asked with what, and she just said, all kinds of different things. i'm writing this and feeling really stupid that i didn't just confront her about it. why is it that i can be so blunt and up front about everything else here but i can't talk about this?

about juvenile yesterday, we made accordian books with them, which they seemed to love. so different from anything they ever do. and it creates a sense of ownership b/c they have no personal belongings. we discussed trust again, and had them do a lot of self reflecting in their books. most of the discussion was in swahili, so i don't really know what was said. but the kenyans tell me that the boys started telling about how they broke people's trust and ended up in this juvenile home. one kid was saying that as punishment his mom would dip his hands in hot burning water. ruth said it's the parents that really should be in trouble for all the crap they put these kids through.

i learned more about some of the schools. dottie said that in mathere, a slum, there are only 2 free gov't schools. so these are very overcrowded. the others you have to pay for. she's part of a research project and they found that the government delegated more money to be used in mathere, but they didn't know where to use the money, so it was just given back to the government. what? also, the government in the last few years got rid of music and art as part of the curriculum in the primary schools. lovely, they sound like no child left behind in the u.s. and the thing is that, music plays maybe even a bigger role in this culture than in the u.s. what are people thinking? dottie has all these wonderful dreams of starting a preschool...she is so passionate, and i want good things for her. she went with me to new life orphanage, and she really was inspired by it and how her school could be like that. i wonder if any of this could ever happen?

another quote from that book, "why in the place of love and compassion, were there implacable hate and anger and jealousy? I could not see myself living the rest of my life under such conditions." i've been thinking about this as i ponder racial issues, here and at home. you must fill me in more on some of this election stuff...wednesday, the front of the newspaper here had the 3 suspects who were supposedly trying to assasinate obama. is this story true? or only partially true? things are very biased towards obama here, so i'm never sure. but in any case, i know there is still racial tension in america, whether or not this story is true. i still remember the student in my class who predicted that obama would get assasinated in the first 3 months of being president. how is it that a super power country like the US can still be so racially divided? i pray for healing. i'm amazed that white privilege isn't just an american concept, but also a kenyan one too. dottie pulled me into this store today as she was trying to get something worked out with her phone. she said, and i quote, "your skin color might help me." kenyans do treat white people well, and i know that much of that is b/c they assume all white people have money. but i think there's more to it than that. i'm just excited for heaven, where equality will rule and no one notices skin color anymore.