i feel relaxed and good at the moment. i woke up with a lot of anxiety. i've been having wierd dreams...like of me being in nakumatt when it was burning down and then i got out, or of me teaching and my class being completely out of control and me promising never to teach again. i've had this dream several times even while teaching. lauren says it must mean something...some anxiety about something. anyway, it better not mean i have to stop teaching b/c i don't want to do that. but today i think i was partially anxious about leaving and partially about talking with peter about my time here (we had a meeting today). but i remembered that verse "do not be anxious about anything but by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." i wanted to be tactful but very honest about things can be improved, especially regarding communication between everyone. kenyans absolutely avoid confrontation, and i talked a lot about how it was so necessary. the meeting went really well, and i feel very relieved. i want to leave africa remembering the good. yes, there have been hard parts, but that's to be expected anywhere, esp. in a non western environment. i want to come back someday, and so i want to leave remembering positive things. peter asked me what i wanted for my last meal--chapati of course. i feel like a death row person who's selecting the last meal before execution. okay wierd comparison.
i've spent all of this afternoon hanging out with my good friend, popo, who happens to be sitting right next to me watching me type. i introduced him to what we call a "hamburger" today. exciting experience. he gives it an 8 on a scale of 1-10. now we've been at the cyber for a while trying to print all these penpal letters to give to the kids tomorrow.
i've had a bit of a headache all day b/c of these silly braids. maria sprayed my head down with all this tea tree braid treatment, which seemed to help a bit. i said bye to her today. i think she's quite sad.
as i'm getting ready to leave, it makes me think about how to best describe nairobi to people. if i had to sum it up in one word i'd say "chaotic." i mean seriously, people are going a million different directions at once. furthermore,it's such a blend of old and new...i mean you have people pulling crates of stuff, others riding bikes, and others in cars all in the same place. there's competition for everything, including just getting into a matatu or even the supermarket line. i finally stuck up for myself today when a man jumped over to the next available ATM even though it was my turn. i said excuse me in a fairly nice way and then he let me go.
popo was reminding me how shy i was when i got here and how i'm so different now. peter was saying i'm very self motivated and determined. i guess that's true. i like to see things happen. he tells me i'm not a quitter, and that i win the record for being the girl who stayed the longest at one time with SYN. only richard morton, the british guy holds a longer record than me. and he's a pretty intense guy who would walk right up to an elephant or something, so i guess being 2nd to him is an honor. anyway, it's certainly not a contest, and i've only been able to pull through everything b/c of God. i look back at my life and what i was like before college. it's a huge miracle that God has brought me here b/c i used to hate being away from home. i mean i was the cryer at all the slumber parties in elementary schools :) just goes to show that God can really change a person. i look at people like lauren, who can adapt to just about anywhere and never miss home. i wish i was more like that. but the truth is that as much as i enjoy being in new places it's still stretching for me. i guess i will always have an attachment to my roots but a longing to venture out somewhere new.
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