i'm home

first, here's some clips of what i wrote in my journal during my time in the airport:

is this really for real? that i'm sitting in an airport about to go home for the first time since June? ti's so crazy b/c i felt this day would never come, and yet here it is, having come so quickly. and suddnly i have this new feeling of not wanting to go back. of knowing how difficult it's going to be. i think i'll always wish i could fuse together various places, times, and people that i've encountered. i'm alway stuck in the middle of these separate wrlds. i haven't been emotional much until the evening was winding down. the entire day was just a blur--another walk in kibera, another visit at popo's, another day of art at BOLM and me frustrated rying to cram so many people in 1 room. somewhere after all this i started to get sad. maybe it was Dottie giving me her old pink skirt as a thank you (i had told her a few weeks ago i liked it) and me knowing she hardly has anything. or maybe it was all the thank you notes and hugs and sappiness. and the anxiety overy leaving and wondering if my bags were too heavy or if i'd get stopped at immigration. but God is good and faithful and there were no problems (i scoped out the immigration people ahead of time and looked for the smiling ones).

these americans are sitting here whining about having their crochet needles taken (read the website people). why are americans always the loud, obnoxious ones?

ways my life will change tomorrow:
today i ride in a mat. tomorrow a car
today i eat only carbs. let the fruit/veggies begin tomorrow
today i'm hiding money undr my clothes. tomorrow i can safely carry a pure.

feb. 14 london, heathrow airport
it's quite an overwhelming odd expereince sitting here people watching at startbucks, where I just spent $7 on chair and a muffin, which is hard for me to fathom b/c i could have spent the same and bought a large meal for 3 people in nairobi. the 1st thing you notice is the overwhleming sense of fashion pervading life here. i've never seen an airport with so many perfume stores and expensive clothing shops. everyone's wearing a peacoat except for me here in my Jesus sandls that barely fit after my feet swelled like a pregnant woman during that flight. i scared the man next to me half to death trying to jump over him unsuccessfully on my way to the toilet. (i didn't want to wake him up).

i've forgotten how fast fast foo dis. it's funny watching people run through the terminal after never having to worry about being late. with my hair plaited and this loud, floral shirt, i stick out like well. the only slight cultural redeeming quality is my purse from Melissa (from target and from this season and similar to what everyone is carrying around here) and the fact that i'm wearing blac. my head is starting to spin and i feel off balance from lack of sleep and al this traveling. i have to laugh at all the Ugg boots and LL Bean bags--the dressing to impress. the BA customer service woman was complimenting about my hair and where i traveled from.

tara says she likes the long journey back home, that it gives her time to reflect, adjust, and prepare for what's next. i don't think i like it. it's too prolonged of a period waiting full of anticipation but of not knowing what to expect, which I suppose leads to anxiety. anxiety of waiting and wondering if i'm going to get through immigration w/o problems.

it's a short term limbo that feels much longer than it actually is. limbo b/c you look back at the people you've left behind wi fond memories and sadness at being removed from their lives and looking ahead to the people at home which are part of your past and yet they will again shape your future. it's like a time machine--you've been taken forward into this new life and now you're jolted back to the old, expected to pick up somewhere where you left off. in this limbo your body doesn't relly know which way it wants to go. there are gravatational pulls on both sides, leaving you confused and exhausted. combine all these forces with jet lag and your body becomes a swirling mess of dizziness and confusion.

i suppose an instant jolt form 1 culture to the next would be too drastic of a change and cause more problems. so despite the exhaustion of the limbo, at least it gives you time for reality to sink in that life is about to drastically change. at least the airport provides the beginning platform for culture shock--the materialism, consumerism, before you walk out the doors to "actual life."

chicago airport:
the one thing americans do slower are phone conversations--on and on, just like in person, with no worries about running out of minutes.

my hair is opening so many doors for conversations with african americans. they all keep stopping me on the way through security and while walking around the airport. "she did good girl. it even looks like your hair." i like this.

feb. 16, today right now:
i had a nice welcoming in the airport: mom, dad, ashley, andrea, judy, jeff, kristen, nedra, jeff, brooke, matt, ryan. they were all holding big signs, blowing bubbles, and yelling. i started running up the terminal when i saw them and all the security guards were turning around wondering what was going on. my face hurt from smiling so much in that first 5 minute.

i have been pigging out like it's thanksgiving or christmas. seriously, not joking. i came home and ate lots of fruits an vegetables that mom had ready. on the plane it was funny b/c they brought us chicken and pasta and salad and i loved it even if was like eating cafeteria food. i've never been so excited to eat plane food.

i've already changed from how i was in kenya b/c i havent' been shaking people's hands like you do there. i guess i've been giving lots of hugs though. there's been several comments by people now who thought that i'd come back really skinny. i had to explain that no, most africans are not super skinny. and lots of people thought i lived in a hut or something? come on now.

being home is fine. but i suspect after the celebrity feeling rubs off in a few weeks that reality is going to set in. the reality of not having job and being clueless about what's next for me in life. i pray that God will open doors and give me wisdom about where i am being called next.

my last night

so tonight is my last night here.  somehow i've managed to still stay awake, even though it's past 1 a.m.  melissa, lauren, and i were up making buckeyes for the kids at BOLM tomorrow.  they had a little party for me in the office today.  lots of people came and said all sorts of nice things and we had some snacks and juice.  they gave me a masai blanket as a going away present and sarah gave me a batik.  jane and sarah were both crying, which surprised me a bit.  i guess you don't realize how much people are going to miss you until the time actually hits.  i got so sad going to the juvenile today to say bye to the boys.  i feel like i really know them, and i'm afraid i'll lose contact and not really know how they're doing.  salim pulled me aside and held up a paper in front of his face so know one could see.  then he whispered to me that he was really going to miss me.  he's a pretty shy boy, and i thought this was really sweet.

we had devotions tonight, and i said goodbye to amie.  she's been working nights, so i probably won't see her anymore.  in the midst of this began this event: first, i've sort of known for most of my time here that milham likes me.  he never really said anything directly, but there were hints, and i could just tell.  i wasn't sure if everyone else in the house knew though.  in any case, he made some comment about it after the devotions when everyone else was sitting in the room.  something like asking if God had granted me favor with a mate from Kenya, or something goofy like that.  but it was funny b/c amie cut him off before he even asked saying that she knew what he was going to say.  then she made some comment about how milham desperately wanted an american wife.  the whole thing was pretty hilarious, and it was pretty clear that amie and peter both knew about the whole situation.  i never really had any other marriage proposals as i expected to get while here, so i guess this is as close as it gets.

 

i went to kibera in the morning to deliver the penpal letters and have them write responses.  it was funny b/c all the kids were staring at my hair as i came in and making comments.  that class seemed very sad about me leaving too.  i decided to give away the pictures that judy had sent of her class.  i put them on a sheet of posterboard and wrote lots of stuff.  i had intended to hang it up in the classroom, but victor said i couldn't b/c someone would steal it.  so for the past 2 months, it's been sitting in the office in the school.  i pulled it out today and gave it to this boy, leonard, who had been sharing all these foam animal things for making cards with everyone around him.  i said b/c he was being so generous i was choosing him.  he was very happy.

popo went to the doctor yesterday b/c there are these big growths on his skin that are really bothering him.  we thought it could be cancer or some kind of cyst.  i insisted that he had to go to a good hospital to get some real answers.  so he went to nairobi hospital.  the dermatologist he saw there seems to have good credentials.  he suspected cancer but after blood tests and other things said that it wasn't.  it's some kind of growth though, that is spreading and really big under the skin.  so he's scheduled to have surgery next week.  he was really upset when i met him yesterday...partly b/c these bumps were bothering him and b/c he found out the surgery was really expensive.  but i think this is a pretty serious thing and told him i'm willing to help pay for it.  victor thought maybe another hospital could do the same thing for cheaper.  but i don't think it's a good idea.  i think this doctor knows what he's talking about, and i've seen what other hospitals do to people.  please pray that the operation goes well.  it's a two day thing, and they'll be putting in stitches and removing them.  you can tell that popo is not himself right now, and i'm really praying things will turn around quickly.

my things are packed basically, and i just have to say bye to the BOLM kids and a few others tomorrow.  i've given victor strict instructions for when the taxi should arrive b/c i've seen lots of other MSTs almost miss their flights b/c they can't get out the door.  again pray for my safety, that my bags would arrive with nothing missing or broken, and know problems with the visa.  i so appreciate all your prayers and support.  i couldn't have done this without you.

anxiety, hamburgers, and chaos

i feel relaxed and good at the moment. i woke up with a lot of anxiety. i've been having wierd dreams...like of me being in nakumatt when it was burning down and then i got out, or of me teaching and my class being completely out of control and me promising never to teach again. i've had this dream several times even while teaching. lauren says it must mean something...some anxiety about something. anyway, it better not mean i have to stop teaching b/c i don't want to do that. but today i think i was partially anxious about leaving and partially about talking with peter about my time here (we had a meeting today). but i remembered that verse "do not be anxious about anything but by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." i wanted to be tactful but very honest about things can be improved, especially regarding communication between everyone. kenyans absolutely avoid confrontation, and i talked a lot about how it was so necessary. the meeting went really well, and i feel very relieved. i want to leave africa remembering the good. yes, there have been hard parts, but that's to be expected anywhere, esp. in a non western environment. i want to come back someday, and so i want to leave remembering positive things. peter asked me what i wanted for my last meal--chapati of course. i feel like a death row person who's selecting the last meal before execution. okay wierd comparison.

i've spent all of this afternoon hanging out with my good friend, popo, who happens to be sitting right next to me watching me type. i introduced him to what we call a "hamburger" today. exciting experience. he gives it an 8 on a scale of 1-10. now we've been at the cyber for a while trying to print all these penpal letters to give to the kids tomorrow.

i've had a bit of a headache all day b/c of these silly braids. maria sprayed my head down with all this tea tree braid treatment, which seemed to help a bit. i said bye to her today. i think she's quite sad.

as i'm getting ready to leave, it makes me think about how to best describe nairobi to people. if i had to sum it up in one word i'd say "chaotic." i mean seriously, people are going a million different directions at once. furthermore,it's such a blend of old and new...i mean you have people pulling crates of stuff, others riding bikes, and others in cars all in the same place. there's competition for everything, including just getting into a matatu or even the supermarket line. i finally stuck up for myself today when a man jumped over to the next available ATM even though it was my turn. i said excuse me in a fairly nice way and then he let me go.

popo was reminding me how shy i was when i got here and how i'm so different now. peter was saying i'm very self motivated and determined. i guess that's true. i like to see things happen. he tells me i'm not a quitter, and that i win the record for being the girl who stayed the longest at one time with SYN. only richard morton, the british guy holds a longer record than me. and he's a pretty intense guy who would walk right up to an elephant or something, so i guess being 2nd to him is an honor. anyway, it's certainly not a contest, and i've only been able to pull through everything b/c of God. i look back at my life and what i was like before college. it's a huge miracle that God has brought me here b/c i used to hate being away from home. i mean i was the cryer at all the slumber parties in elementary schools :) just goes to show that God can really change a person. i look at people like lauren, who can adapt to just about anywhere and never miss home. i wish i was more like that. but the truth is that as much as i enjoy being in new places it's still stretching for me. i guess i will always have an attachment to my roots but a longing to venture out somewhere new.

10 pounds heavier in 1 day!

i gained 10 pounds yesterday...5 in hair weight; 5 from amazing food. let me clarify this slight exaggeration. i got my hair plaited yesterday: a 5 1/2 hour adventure. it looks pretty sweet, but oh my goodness the girl used 4 1/2 packages of extensions! it is so heavy! i mean seriously my head is in pain now b/c of all the weight. she had to sew together the ponytail part in the back with a needle and thread b/c it couldn't stay up on it's own. i kept waking up during the night b/c i can only sleep on the side of my head. but hey, this hair thing really works to your advantage around here. like at the post office today, the woman was commenting about how nice it was and she didn't get mad about looking for my package like on normal days. i think i have a new record going...i was only at the post office for 1 hour 20 minutes today. i found some really nice guy who tried, with no luck unfortunately, to find other things of mine there that have been missing. as soon as he saw my name he said he recognized it. he took my email and said he'd let me know if any of my stuff showed up. even though this will be long after i'm gone at least maybe victor or someone can go get it. another american girl was there and she finally got her package that had been sent in october! TIA.

the 5 pounds of food: we made tacos and crepes last night...even our own tortillas and guac and homemade whipped cream with cooked cinnamon apples for the crepes. soooo good! lauren was having an interesting time with the crepes b/c the frying pan at the house is missing the handle, so she had to blow on the batter to get it to spread out. plus the little gas cooker thing is hard to control and the gas will start going on really high heat without even touching anything and then everything burns.

milly is staying around to be our house girl. she's just been filling in temporarily but has decided to stay. i'm surprised but glad for her. she says she gets to go home on sundays for church and then come back since she lives nearby in kibera. that will be a good break i'm sure. it's funny b/c everlyn called last night on victor's phone about something milham was helping her with. so basically everyone in the house is secretly in contact with everlyn except amie and peter. guess we all know she's a good person.

please start praying for my safe journey home on friday night. and that my luggage gets there and that i have no problems with my slightly illegal visa. i started getting all sappy about leaving on sunday. i mean it just hit me that my life is absolutely going to change drastically in 4 days.

name that disease

i had to just about laugh today when popo told me he went to the health clinic in kibera and he was told that he had malaria and cholera. melissa and i asked what his symptoms were. he gets headaches, he can't breathe well out of his nose, and his throat is bothering him. i think he has a sinus infection, which is what i have and lauren just had. obviously if you had cholera you'd have diahorrea and if you had malaria you'd have a fever and be vomiting. what's with these crazy doctors here??? popo was feeling really dizzy which obviously was from that stupid malaria medicine.

today was my last day at blue house, so the kids were all hugging me and telling me bye. yesterday at BOLM i made rodgers tell zackayo in swahili that i would be leaving friday. he didn't really believe rodgers at first and started laughing. but we told him again and he looked so sad.

after leaving blue house, we were walking towards popo's house. two women got in a fight and yelling at each other. one woman was walking away past us, so we got caught a bit in the middle. fortunately we got out of the way before she started throwing rocks.

i stayed with maria last night. she made all sorts of good food as usual. she is enjoying her volunteering experience at a local school so much, and keeps telling me that it's me that got her to do it. but if it's anything i did, then it's just God, period. that's it. maria seems much happier now that she has more to do and something to look forward to each week. i think volunteering does that to you. anyway, maria gave me this beautiful hand woven ethiopian scarf as a good bye gift. i love it. it's so me.

i think the bugs are mostly done eating my drum, and so i'm going to try to take it home. i finally found a bag to fit it in today. it's wierd packing up all my stuff. i've given away most of my clothes and lots of things that i brought. it feels good to downsize and bring back less. i'm going to get home to my closet full of clothes and be in complete shock over how much i have.

there's a fountain flowing...

I'm thrilled to announce that a recent breaking of a water pipe at the house has resulted in an abundance of water and hot showers. While Collin was here, he was trying to help turn on the pump to bring water into the house. Somehow it broke, and it has been a glorious thing. it was a bit chaotic that night as we kept filling up buckets of water in the front "yard" (um it's all cement and dirt there) where the pipe was and then carrying it to the back of the house where the storage containers of water are kept. the water just kept coming and coming and wouldn't stop. the plumber came the next day, fixed the pipe, and also said something was clogged, which was increasing the water shortage, but he fixed that. last week i took a hot shower 3 times!!! and this week once already! as far as i'm concerned, the pipes should break every week if this is what happens.

please pray for the people in northern kenya. there is a massive famine going on because of the drought here.

yesterday i went for my last java trip with melissa, lauren, and we took jane for her first time. i ate quesadillas and apple pie and ice cream. it feels so good to act american for one meal.

i did the last major activity i'll do with the older juvenile boys today. we got to do our body of christ skit that we were supposed to do in siaya. there's this australian man that's probably about 60 there volunteering right now. he participated in all our songs and games and popo had him doing all sorts of goofy dance moves. i thought the guy was being a pretty good sport. we can always be young at heart.

i took everyone to see the movie "changeling" on tuesday night. a good one; i'd recommend it. also a glorious experience b/c they had mustard for my hotdog. american condiments are hard to come by here. the ketchup is watery sugary tomato something that i'm not a fan of. in any case the movie is quiet tragic and sad. i can't imagine being in the mom's shoes and spending half of your life absolutely restless with no peace.

i only have 8 days left here, which is hard for me to believe. at times this journey has been a big challenge for me, but now it seems to have gone so quickly. i know that this country has forever changed my life and the way that i think. i have a new perspective of poverty, giving, faith, and how little you can survive on but still be happy and content. yet, there is so much of me that is the same that i wish would have transformed more. i'm always reminded of "Little Women" where Jo March says she is "hopelessly flawed." i'm still impatient, despite living in a slow culture. i'm still stubborn, even after needing to be flexible working with so many people. and i haven't become the prayer warrior that i would like to be. i'm convinced that change can come in our lives but it takes so much time. i hope that i will take back to america the best of this culture: the simplicity, thankfulness, friendship, patience, dancing, joy in small things; and then combine it with the best of america: trustworthiness, cleanliness, running water, not fried food, church services without shouting preachers, and free verizon to verizon calls.

tragedy

this could be a bit of a depressing post, so i apologize in advance. more stories from the nakumatt fire have been coming in. apparently the security guards locked people inside the store during the fire b/c they thought people were stealing things. i guess they didn't realize how severe the fire would be and that everything would burn up anyone. consequently, probably many people died that shouldn't have. this account makes me want to vomit, and peter said b/c of this he'll never shop there again. it looks as though over 40 people died. there were all sorts of pictures captured of people jumping out the 2nd story windows, hanging off of the awning (sp?). crazy how this constant lack of trust issue creates so many problems in this society.

another tragedy occurred a few days ago. an oil tanker overturned, and people went to collect the spilled oil (ordinary citizens, poor ones, i'm guessing). then there was some sort of argument and someone let a match, and lots of people died. then another oil tanker overturned yesterday, and people were back out collecting the oil again, oblivious or ignoring the recent tragedy only a day before.

there have been other fires as well...emma, my friend from kibera, had her tailor shop burned down by thugs. i went to visit her there, and it's so eery looking...everything in the little tin building has been charred black, and the remnants of sewing machines are the only things left inside. it's quite amazing that it didn't affect the other stores directly next to it. the watchman put out the fire, and i have to wonder how he did not see someone come in and start it. elisha's sister's house in kibera was also burned down. and then there's the horrible incident with sara's baby. sara used to teach at sara junior for a few months. she had a baby in october. we went to visit her the saturday before i left for kogelo. the baby was beautiful, and we brought her baby clothes. she had been in the hospital for pneumonia 2 weeks before, but seemed to be doing fine. i found out a few days later that the baby died the following day. something was wrong with the way the umbilical cord was tied, and it affected her breathing (or so they say, but who knows around here). we were told that her stomach inflated like a balloon and then she stopped breathing. what really upsets me is that this baby had just been in the hospital, so if something was wrong, why didn't anyone catch it? it's b/c medical care is so absolutely bad here. this is such a tragic story. please pray for sara.

it's amazing how people do not know any of the basics about illnesses. like lauren has a bad cold, and milham went with her to the store to get some things to help her heal. milham told her not to get anything citris b/c the acid was bad for her stomach. he suggested milk!!! lauren had to explain that actually vitamin c is the best thing you can take. wow!

on a happy note, i passed this pharmacy in kogelo and it was called "Most High Drugstore". nice.

in other good news, i took yesterday to be a tourist here. we went to the giraffe center in nairobi. the giraffes there are tame, and we got to feed them. they eat right out of your hand. lauren and melissa let the giraffe "kiss" them by putting food in their mouths and having the giraffe lick/eat the food right from the mouth. one of the tourists there thought that popo was one of the guides working there and started asking him questions about the spots of these giraffes compared to the ones in masai mara. i laughed.

afterwards, melissa, popo, and i went to the kazuri bead factory. it's a fair trade company that makes ceramic jewelry and pottery. most of the over 300 people working there are single moms. it's such an awesome employment opportunity. i got to see the way all the kilns work and women glazing and sculpting the beads. they make 30,000 beads by hand everyday! we also passed by the karen blixen house, the woman from the Out of Africa story (meryl streep movie also from the 80's or 90's). it was good to take a break and enjoy the city. i'm so burned out right now and just tired. it's becoming difficult for me b/c kenyans have a lot of issues with confrontation. they just avoid it, which leads to talking behind people's backs, which is bad, and quite damaging to ministry. this is really frustrating lauren and i. i end up internalizing everything, which is also unhealthy. please pray for swahiba. there are a lot of good things that they are doing, but the disorganization makes things quite ineffective, and leads to people like me finding a lot of ways to serve on their own. i think if things are going to grow and become more effective around here that there need to be a lot of changes and push towards unity. also please pray for me as i get ready to come home. i'm excited to see all of you, but i know that reverse culture shock is going to be so difficult for me. i'm afraid of easily becoming depressed b/c of what i've seen here and wondering about what i've done to help as well as by the lack of not knowing what is next in my life.

by the way we had another house girl, mary leave. goodness we should keep a running tally or something.

a big fire

I'm considering myself extremely blessed and very thankful right now to have avoided being part of the massive fire that consumed and destroyed the Nakumatt (like Wal-Mart) downtown Nairobi on Wednesday. I frequently go to Nakumatt 1-2 times a week, and actually had to go that day, so the fact that i wasn't in the store when it happened is amazing. i was on the way back to town around 4 that afternoon when i saw the smoke. 1 person died and over 30 people are missing b/c no one can go into the building right now for fear it will collapse. the fire station apparently responded in time but the problem is that there are only 2-3 working trucks for the entire city of nairobi! can you imagine? we have more than that for the little town of brookville. so additional private fire fighters were called in. it took over 24 hours to put out the fire, which is believed to have started when the generator exploded after it had kicked on during a power outage. people were jumping out from 2nd story windows to escape. everyone was lined up and down the street watching, and unfortunately creating a difficult situation for trucks to manuever down the street. the police had to tear gas people several times to clear the way. i finally saw what a tear gas gun looks like that day.

i have been feeling more at peace the last few days. on tuesday night i came home and had a debrief with collin piper (the icy director from the UK) about my stay here. i shared the good and all the concerns i had. i felt like a huge weight was lifted. collin is very concerned about getting things right here, and making this program more successful. it has been a good experience for me, and fortunately i am self motivated and able to do many things on my own. but i suspect this situation could be very difficult for people who are not as independent. collin is also concerned that the lack of water in the house is creating a health hazard and wants peter to move soon. i have already seen improvements made since collin left. like when peter came back from chatting with him at the airport, we immediately started doing house devotions and worship again at night. i suspect this is b/c i talked about there being a lack of unity and teamwork amongst everyone. i am really enjoying these nightly gatherings. they are lifting my spirits, and helping bring us together. there has been a lot of tension between melissa and lauren b/c they are complete opposites. but last night they spent a long time working out this song together and playing my drum. it sounded awesome. lyonne and i cooked pilau during this, and i made fried zucchini and eggplant. i was amazed b/c everyone in the house loved it. even peter who hates vegetables.

the schools have ended the strike as of last night, so that's good news for the kids here. and lauren tells me the kids at BOLM were playing with their beanie babies last week, and it sounds like they got there books back too. so things are looking up. on the other hand, i found one of the boys from BOLM on the streets in Donholm where i live (very far from BOLM) on tuesday. a street boy was asking for money. and then john (this boy) comes running around the corner yelling my name. i wasn't sure who he was at first. but i did recognize him. i could tell all the boys had been sniffing glue, and i'm sure he'd been living out there on the streets. he came home for christmas and hasn't come back. he told me he was coming back to BOLM this week, but i doubt that's true. i became very angry that the director let this boy go home for so long. clearly there is not a loving family waiting for him there, and he has easily fallen back into bad company. my heart breaks for situations like these where kids are shuffled back and forth from one environment to another. please pray for him, that he might return.

back from obama land

i'm back a few days early from my village trip due to a nationwide teacher's strike in all public primary schools. consequently we were unable to go on the school mission as planned. but no worries, i did enjoy the week that i was gone. it went something like this:

we left late monday night, frantically running across town with heavy bags only to almost miss the bus. fortunately everything runs late around here. upon arriving in chavakali (the district of popo's village) on tuesday morning, we were dropped on the side of the road at 5:30 a.m. with about 8 bags. the sun had yet to rise and as i was wearing a black fleece hoodie, my mzungu identity was easily hidden. victor ordered me to put up my hood and turn away from the drivers of the piki pikis (motorcycles) so that a fair price could be negotiated for transporting us to the village. everytime headlights approached, i turned my face in the opposite direction. no one suspected my skin color. there was something comforting in all this...a sense of belonging, a sense of being an average normal person. negotiations reached, we piled onto the motorcycles...popo and i on one with the driver and 2 large bags, victor and jane on another, and a third for the remainder of our stuff. we set off down a dusty dirt road, full of bumps and rocks, and gigantic holes. 3 people on a bike is pressing your luck a bit i thought, and i rode in fear that we would tip at any moment. my one comfort was that the rough terrain forced us to travel slowly. but even the turtle speed could not prevent the fall that soon followed. the bike hit a rought spot and we preceeded to tip to the left, falling along with all the luggage. popo's first reaction upon my hesitation at getting up, was that i had broken my leg. fortunately, i was fine and crawled out from under the bike unscathed. but at this point the sun had begun to rise, quickly, as is typical of kenyan sunrises, and my mzunguness was revealed the moment the driver turned to help me up. i'm sure he was a bit surprised to see me.

we napped after arriving at the village and later traveled to kogelo. i was about ready to slap popo as he encouraged the driver of this piki piki to race and pass victor and jane. i thought i would die. some of you watched the youtube video of me being interviewed on KTN. you can check it out at http://www.eastandard.net/ then type in kogelo in the search box. then click on the video on the page. i haven't actually listened to the sound, so i don't know what i'm saying. but i was super excited to be picked for an interview. BBC and ABC news were there too, and although i didn't get an interview there, i was still happy. there was lots of dancing everywhere, food, and crazy signs reading (our son, our hope) or kenya, the 51st state. we took sometime to go see the grandmother's house. i got really close to the windows to take a picture of her obama stickers. there are police tents camped out all over there. men were putting in sewage and water lines. the compound was now fenced in with barbed wire. and i spoke to one of her neighbors or relatives who spoke no english.

the rest of the week was spent doing lessons and activities with kids. we made art projects, did skits, and taught them Bible stories. it worked out well b/c none of them had anything to do since schools are on strike. they loved the parachute too. the place where we stayed was very nice. my initial impression of the village is that it is much cleaner than nairobi. very tidy. the people had never had a mzungu in the village before. the bed was more comfortable than the one at peter's. the main family (popo's uncle i think) had a cement house with a tin roof. ours was made of mud and sticks but still nice, and the roof was also tin. the only creatures crawling around were geichos on the walls and a large cockroach, but nothing really bothered me. everything about the village seemed better to me than nairobi. clean, pure goodness. no electricity, but no distractions from what really matters in life. one man was always reading his Bible whenever i saw him. i knew however, lurking under this goodness of growing plants and well meaning hardworking people, that there were hardships. popo's cousin was widowed after someone poisoned her husband with rat poisoning.

we were overly well fed the whole week...chicken, beef, ugali. i managed to eat a third helping of ugali one day...the ugali tastes better and different there. we had to ask popo to tell them not to treat me or victor or anyone else differently when it came to food. the first night they served us generous helpings of meat and everyone else less. (i didn't really know what to do b/c sometimes if you say something they're offended. plus they kept saying i wasn't eating enough.) i ate ugali everyday all week. we had eggs for breakfast (a huge treat) a million cups of tea. popo's uncle invited popo's dad over one night. this was so wierd. popo hadn't seen the man in 9 years. they barely spoke to each other at dinner and when they did it was the father asking popo to give him something. seriously...the man disappeared from popo's life for nearly a decade and now wants something???!!! messed up. alex came over on thursday. he hadn't been there since he was about 9. on his last visit, he got used as a scape goat when him and some cousins sold some of the families cows and were all planning to run away with the money. only the kids left alex with around $1 to go buy bread, and they ditched him. alex knew he couldn't go back to the village or he would be arrested. so this incident forced him to live on the streets of kisumu for a few years. wow. i think this was a good way of making amends for alex now. people at the village seem to understand that he's now a christian and a changed person.

we made some home visits while there, giving away food to widows with large families. one of the houses we went to the man there was scared to death to see us. said he was about to get his weapon and it got worse when he saw me. then realized we were there on good terms. on later that night did we realize we had gone to the wrong house and given food to some random people. oh well. i liked the visit anyway b/c the celing was decorated with all these cut up workbooks from the kids, hanging by strips from wires across the celing.

tara came saturday afternoon from uganda. we enjoyed filling each other in on what we've been doing the past 3 months. sunday popo insisted that i "preach" at church, as he called it. i like to call it a talk, b/c i'm not a preacher. but in any case it went really now. definitely must have been God's favor. b/c when i got up there to talk suddenly i was not nervous at all and so at peace. i spoke about trust, and i think it went pretty well.

victor took us on sunday night to his rural home in siaya, not really his family but people that took him in when he was an orphan. we stayed there, and the next day he walked us all over the place visiting people's huts. i felt like this was the part of africa that most people invision. the huts, the tattered clothing, the harvesting of crops. his "grandma" was blind and came crawling out from another room to greet us. her skin was shriveled, she looked nearly 100 and in a lot of pain. yet she came out singing songs of rejoicing at seeing victor. he hadn't been back there for 4 years. all the kids and people, despite their poverty were all smiles to see us. it occurred to me that i had more possessions in my backpack than they had in their entire house. but i thought about what tara said about poverty being relative. that if people have food and clotehs are they really poor? or are they blessed not to be bogged down by all the material possessions like we had? i would say these people were really poor. but i'd say the people in popo's village weren't really. they just lived simply.

monday we went to kisumu and saw lake victoria..also infested with water hyacinths like lake naivasha. i was less than impressed by the town. everything was dirty, including the lake. and much smaller but similar to nairobi. i arrived back in nairobi this morning at 4 a.m. and was on the bus until 6 when i could get off and catch a matatu home. popo put me on the wrong one (which i tried to tell him before i left), and so i ended up walking a long way in the rain with 2 very heavy bags. TIA

off to kogelo

i'm about ready to get on a bus in a few hours to go to kogelo. i'm absolutely exhausted b/c i spent around 5 hours just walking around town today to get stuff to take. i bought all sorts of baby clothes to give out to people there. peter says this is a big need. another MST left money to buy a sewing machine, so we also purchased that and some fabric. the kids in the villages have very tattered clothes, so hopefully this will be a big blessing to them. i'm excited too b/c victor and jane are coming with popo and i. although we have to keep this a secret b/c we will get in trouble for this. victor was originally supposed to go to uganda, but that hasn't worked out so he'll be joining us. we got ingredients for making s'mores. we tried this on saturday for sarah's birthday over a candle, and they tasted great.
collin, the ICY director from england was here sunday, so i finally was able to meet him and hear him preach at church on sunday. he was talking about the challenges of churches in various nations. he said as a generalization (b/c they're not all like this) that the american church struggles b/c it is so inward focused on how it spends money and reaches out to people and that when much is given much is expected. this is very true i think. as americans we do not struggle like people do here, so it limits our trust in God and makes us more self centered.
saturday night was horrible. we came home to find the door locked--very unusual b/c everyone was home. finally peter opens it and i see everlyn sitting on the couch, her face down, and her suitcase opened with everything in it. turns out that her and peter had gotten into an argument. she left with baraka to the supermarket and didn't come back for 2 hours. they got really mad at her, started yelling, and then she told them she was leaving. so she went to pack her stuff and then they wouldn't let her leave b/c they thought she had taken people's stuff. so they locked her in the house and made her sit there until we came home. i knew she didn't take anything of mine b/c i've had several hundred dollars sitting in my room in a drawer and she's never touched it. so she sat there while peter requested we all come and make sure nothing was ours. they found nothing. then amie starts saying how ridiculous it is that everyln won't wait until morning to leave when it's safer. but there's no way i'd stay the night after all that either. plus she would have left at a reasonable hour if they'd let her. apparently peter's sister, maxine told everyln she could go to mombasa and work for her there. everlyn was very underpaid and not treated well at all. i feel really bad for her, and i couldn't even say bye b/c i was scared of being yelled at. i did sneak an extra phone victor had to her, and i thought for sure i was going to get caught. what really made me mad was when peter sat us down to talk about the situation b/c he said a lot of things that weren't true...like how she wanted a phone and that there had been a house phone for her to use. i know this isn't true b/c we all had to sneak our phones to her to use. victor got caught giving her a phone to use and amie flipped out on him. so now there is no one to cook or clean. everyone's been getting up early to try to help. amie was supposed to go to work today but she couldn't b/c there's no one to watch the kids. i don't understand how amie and peter can treat the house help this way. everlyn never had a single day off. she got up every morning at 5:45, cleaned all day, watched the kids, made food, and went to bed around 9-10. she even worked christmas.

on a happy note, we planned the skit for siaya yesterday. it's all about the body of christ. i get to be the mouth and so i have to say everything with long drawn out syllables and smile really big and sing annoying off key parts. it's so hilarious and we all kept laughing at each other. my jaw was hurting after all that last night.

i did get another visa. praise God. basically they stamped my passport to make it looked like i left and then gave me a new 3 month one. i knew someone who knew somone at immigration. i had to pay to do all this, but it was the cheapest option and i was told i could end up in court if i didn't take care of this. i'm pretty irritated that this pastor who peter had helping me basically took my $200 and never got me a work permit or receipt or anything. so sketch. and the only people concerned about this whole matter were victor and lyonne. whatev...God knows what's going on, and he can be the judge.

okay, i'll update you in 2 weeks. look for me on CNN tomorrow :)

things are looking up

i'm happy to report that things have majorly improved in the last few days. i stopped worrying about all the stuff going on, and no one seems terribly mad at me for anything, so that's good. thank you for all your prayers to uplift me. i know i'm going to make it the next few weeks, and i bet i'll even be sad when i leave. we had a new MST named Lauren come on thursday. she is super cool...very quirky, artsy like me, and really into singing. she's only 18 but seems older, probably b/c most of her friends at home are older. she's half phillipino half caucasion and from california.

i made slight progress with the stolen gifts issue. i wasn't planning to fight about it anymore b/c i'm so sick of the situation. but the principal at juvenile, also the principal at BOLM brought it up. he said, Agatha, the director, could tell i was annoyed after i confronted her the last time. and he told her that when you don't follow directions of white people when they give you stuff, they'll never trust you again. (yep, true). he said he was working on getting things back, and he really was genuine. he even knew that agatha was wearing the shirt without me saying anything. i was explaining about mom's shirt being taken and getting things here from america and having everything stolen and how i wanted to help there but now i didn't trust people, and i think he really did feel bad. when i went on thursday, the box of beanies was now sitting in the office. they still haven't been passed out yet, but they're not at agatha's house anymore. hoping something may happen with this. we got the bibles out again, and did a puppet show and then had the kids read in them. they seem very excited to hold a nice book in their hands.

we started planning things for siaya. i think it's going to be a lot of fun. i actually got a typed schedule of activities for the week, which is a first. we're working out details for a skit, songs, etc. popo and are leaving monday night. please pray for saftey going to kogelo. i will be without electricity for 2 weeks and we have to pump the water. that means i won't be writing anything on my blog until feb. 1, so don't get worried. basically, we'll be going to several schools to do the same program each time. at night we stay with peter's grandma (who knows obama's grandma i think), and playing with kids. one day we'll paint a school. with popo we'll be visiting schools too, and i'm going to be speaking at the church in his village. i haven't even begun this, so you can pray about God giving me words, fast. i think i'm going to talk about trust...how i had to trust God when coming here, and leaving behind my other life. and how we need to put our trust in God, but that we should act like Christ, and so we need to be trustworthy people. as i see it, trust is one of the main problems here, so this is what's on my heart. also, i had to start taking a different malaria medicine b/c we are going to a high risk area. i already felt a bit wierd this morning but better now so hopefully it's fine. please pray that this medicine does not make me sick. i don't think i can handle that again. please pray for energy too. i'm pretty tired, plus it's an 8 hour bus ride there, and i want to be very effective for those 2 weeks. i know this is the last big thing i'll be doing, so i want to make the most of it.

funny story, 2 weeks ago, katie and i went to church and were taking communion. when they passed out the "wine" it looked very funny. we couldn't figure out what it was. now i've had lots of things for communion--grape juice, wine, punch, wafers, sliced bread, torn pieces of bread, etc. but i'd never experienced this mysterious drink. victor smelled it to see what it was. it was coke! katie can't have pop either b/c she's allergic, so i had to drink it for her. we laughed about this experience a lot.

another funny thing today, this short little persian looking woman came up to us 3 mzungus standing outside the supermarket and starts going on and on about her son, and how she's looking for a wife for him and would we accept an invitation to her house. i was in the process of saying we can't when lauren says, "do you have a picture of him?" and the lady did. she pulls out a copy of his passport and starts rambling away again about how this is an old picture and he's more mature now. then lauren finally tells her no and says she likes her umbrella. it was this little kids' umbrella with cartoons on it. i couldn't keep myself from laughing through it all. the lady leaves and comes back again and starts telling us a story of some prince of somewhere--i'm guessing the son was some how connected. it was hilarious.

God will give us rest

hey all. the past week has been a bit rough for me. i think i'm starting to step on a lot of people's toes and it's becoming clear that i should go home soon. i'm getting very frustrated by the lack of communication about things and the long pointless african meetings. school has started here again and that makes it tricky for the things i'm doing. i can't commit to teaching for a term b/c i won't be here long enough, so i have a bit more down time in my day. i'm trying to prepare things for going with popo to his village next week. i'm not sure that peter is happy about me going to kogelo, and i really don't understand why. i've hardly taken a break over christmas, so i don't think it's that. there will be 2 other MSTs here to carry on. basically people get upset about things but they don't explain why. plus there is a lot of tension between victor and peter right now and it's making things less than stellar. i feel bad b/c i haven't been overly friendly to Melissa, the new MST. she is only 18, and i can't help but keep thinking she's the same age as my former students last year. in any case, she's nice, and we get along fine. she can't believe i've been here since june. sometimes i can't either.
fortunately, i have the haven of maria's house, which has really helped me. last night i taught her to make play dough and gave her a bunch of books. she's going to use them to volunteer at a school. she kept hugging me and was so grateful.
Despite all of the muck, I know that I'm here to serve God and not man. I pray forgiveness for the things I have done wrong, but after that I'm trying to focus on moving on. I cannot please everyone. I take comfort in this verse:
Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.
I pray that you would all remember this, as i know things in the U.S. are difficult now. the economy is bad and january is cold. but God can give us strength. I try to remember that our lives here are so temporary and in the long run, these little petty problems have no meaning.\
we were able to get out the Bibles we gave the kids at BOLM yesterday and use them before doing a puppet show of jonah and the fish. so they haven't been stolen or anything. they were in some of the classrooms, which makes me think they are being used a bit.

worn out

i was just riding home on the matatu; traffic was stopped; i was in a daze. the woman next to me taps me and says, "look, you can see the brains." i glanced out the window, hoping not to see what she was talking about. first i just noticed the mass of people lining both sides of the empty street staring. i was just turning back around when i see the top of a head and a massive pile of red. made me sick. i'm guessing this person was either walking, on a bike, or carrying a cart of something when he got hit by a car. there's no way he was thrown from a car b/c traffic moves too slow for that. (mom, i understand your experience like this now).

i have become extremely mentally drained this week mostly b/c i can't trust anyone. monday night, peter called the child protective services counseling place (where amie works) to anonymously report the many cases of abuse that i've seen at juvenile. he didn't want me to do it b/c they would know it was a mzungu voice and it could jepordize us being able to go back to juvenile b/c people would likely know i reported it. but the entire call got us no where. we all listened to the conversation on speaker phone. the guy basically told peter to report it to the manager of the juvenile. amie realized by the way the guy answered that the juvenile is a government facility and they share an office with the place that we reported to. so there's nothing that can be done b/c it's like we're reporting to the same place that's causing a problem. amie was sure by the answer that this case had already been reported. so this whole thing irritated me b/c it's like every other problem here...there's no way to fix it.

tuesday at bolm we found out that the director, agatha, took all the beanie babies we gave the kids and put them in her house. and she took the Bibles and stored them in the office. so alex and i were really fired up about this. unfortunately, agatha was not there, so alex spoke to a teacher about it. he says he'll ask. i talked to the prinicipal, who also works at juvenile, about it. he seemed genuinely concerned and understood my point. he promised to ask about it. i told him that we want kids to keep the bibles in their rooms so they can use them any time. and i said it was a lot of work to get that other stuff here all the way from america, and we want them to use it. i don't know why agatha took this stuff, but i'm just getting really fed up with things. i'm going to keep pressing the issue. at this point, i don't care if i step on people's toes b/c i'm leaving soon anyway, and i'm just tired of this. please forgive my negative tone. i would appreciate prayers to pull me out of this "slump" so that i can be energized for the last few weeks.

as of right now i'm planning to come home on valentine's day (i know many of you were curious) when i booked my plane ticket last march, i booked out the farthest return date possible, which was february. originally i was planning to change the ticket to april and stay a bit longer. but honestly, while i've enjoyed being here a lot, i'm starting to feel ready to come back even though i know it will be very hard to readjust. the constant long days of traveling and running all over, plus dealing with above issues are starting to wear me out. i know in my heart, that i would love to come back again someday soon. but for now i think i could use a break. besides staying longer will cost more money and i think it would be better to use this money to sponsor people for school and help them out in other ways. i hope this doesn't mean i'm taking the easy way out by leaving. i've wrestled with the issue a lot, but unless i get some sudden memo from God, this is the current plan.

today at both juveniles, alex and i taught about recipes for a successful new year. i compared our lives to a peanut butter sandwich (God is the bread, etc.) and made it right in front of them and then gave pieces of the sandwich away to kids who participated. they seemed to like this.

in happy news, i'm planning to go to kogelo (obama's grandmother's home) for the inaguartation. then popo and i are going to his village for about a week to visit schools and do activities with the kids. some of them have never seen a mzungu, so this should be interesting. then we'll go to siaya and meet the rest of the team for a week of school ministry too. should be fun, except i'm not sure how it will be to not have indoor plumbing for 2 whole weeks. please pray as i prepare to go there. i'm glad to get out of the city for a while and think our time here could be very useful.

other exciting news, is that i have been able to use money from you generous people to support steve to go to school for engineering. he thanked me a lot today (i told him to thank God and you guys, not me) and said that God will richly bless me. he was telling me his life story, about how there's 10 kids in the family, his father makes less than $5 a day. his mom used to do laundry for people in a nearby estate but now she just had twins and can't work for a while. so i think their family is really struggling. but when he told his dad that he had a way to go to school, his dad was so happy. there's also another family friend that the dad knows that has paid a bit as well.

Some things I've neglected to tell you...

the light hearted stuff first...
i bought a drum; it's being attacked by bugs, not termites (did i already tell this story?); they're making holes in it everywhere. i sprayed it with bugspray, no luck. i had it varnished, no change. milham spent over an hour trying to smoke them out. there's still saw dust falling to the floor from where they're eating it. um, hello...how did they not get carbon monoxide poisoning and die????

when alex saw the policeman standing collecting bribe money from the mataus by the juvenile, he very loudly says, "hey, this is not an ATM here."

a lot of kenyans are nosy. or maybe to be polite i should say curious. for example, whenever something even minor happens life stops and everyone freezes and stares. like today 2 men were in some sort of quarrel in the street. the entire block of people stood glued to the sidewalk, eyes fixed to a not that exciting event. and then today i decided to help alex pay for some of his college tuition for this term. we went to the bank to deposit money. this man next to us was being so nosy staring at me giving him money and how much alex was writing on his deposit slip. jealousy right?

people make comments about me all the time. except i can't understand what they're saying. and it always happens with victor or popo. like the day we went to carnivore, the matatu conductor went on and on about me. kept asking victor questions about which matatu i take home, and what i'm doing for lunch tomorrow, and i'm sure some comments about my africanesque body (thighs and butt). i think they get a kick out of this b/c they know i can't understand them.

now the good stuff...
the scariest thing that's happened since i've been here occured on october 2. it was matt's first day here. we were coming back from juvenile. there was a big jam of traffic. or so i thought. i looked up from our stopped matatu. we were close to the action, but not too close. i saw police running across the road throwing out tear gas and then firing off something. i've been told it wasn't bullets, but i sure thought it was at the time. they were chasing someone. i turned to matt and said, "this is bad. this is really bad. we need to get out of the matatu right now." everyone jumped out, i clutched his hand, and we ran across the street. we stood watching on the steps underneath the entrance to a building. finally when things no longer looked eventful, i asked the man next to me, if we could use this other road to get up into the city. he said he thought so. so we went walking and passed lots of people covering their noses with handkerchiefs so they wouldn't breathe in the tear gas fumes. and that was the end of that. i didn't tell you before b/c i knew you'd freak out, but i told mom when she was here, so i guess the secret's over.

another great one...
one day 2 men were shot dead in the park outside our office by the police. they had previously robbed a store and murdered the owner in the process so it's not like they were innocent. but still...shooting people in broad daylight? comforting. by the way, this is the same park where i spent christmas. :)

on christmas day, this boy stole something from a woman at the park. i was in the office and could hear her screaming outside. victor and i looked out, and the kid was booking it across the street with the woman chasing behind him. he was too fast.

okay that's probably enough for you to lose sleep about for now.

found out that the "lost" boy from juvenile was really not lost. he was trying to escape. yep, lied to us. apparently he's back there now, since the night victor put him on the matatu. but i haven't seen him. 4 boys have escaped in the last month. and if they escape, that's about it for them. i mean, what will they do? their parents don't want them, they won't be able to get a job. they'll be stuck on the streets.

special mzungu price!

I just finished a trip to the masai market with catie and rodgers, and i must say i'm getting a lot better at bargaining. i got them to lower prices a lot and didn't even need rodgers' help. i think it's b/c i know now when people are really ripping me off. and this sunday market is much better, they don't harass you as much. i actually had some nice chats with the vendors. usually at the markets in town they yell at you "special mzungu price." it's a special price all right...triple price. knowing a little swahili helps too b/c they know i've been here more than a week. i got this beautiful handmade quilt that looks a lot like the cool africa bag the sieberts gave me for graduation that i always carry around to school. i think i got an excellent deal and the lady seemed pleased when i told her it was so beautiful.

i haven't written in a while b/c i've been forcing myself to stay in the house and rest. i was getting tired and stressed, but i'm feeling much better now. i managed to sleep until 9:30...a first ever for here. i think the ear plugs mom left are really helping. i wasted over 5 hours last night watching season 3 of prison break. what's my deal? in the morning though i went to kibera. popo was given a chicken from his village for bringing all the clothes to the children. he wanted me to come enjoy it i guess since i helped get all the stuff for the village. so he slaugthers this chicken right in kibera. but the best part is, they eat almost everything on the chicken. we made a stew, and he put the head in, and all the organs. the intestines were grossing me out. they were going to put in the feet until i pleaded with them not to. i kept thinking of the chicken foot from prison break and it made me sick. i watched as popo devoured the entire head later.

we spent friday at juvenile and BOLM. we got the parachute out again, and mom you would be happy to learn that we were able to make the big mushroom cloud where everyone sits under it. we took it out in the grass, so it wasn't so dusty this time. later i was holding zakayo in my lap. i saw a speck of "dirt" on my arm. i tried to flick it off but it smushed. i smelled it...yeah definitely poop i think. lovely.

peter's half siblings annie and fairburn came back to stay, and then their mom came too. she lives in texas and hasn't seen them for 6 years. i don't think they talk much b/c they weren't overly excited to see her as i was with mom. and they didn't really know where in the u.s. she lived either. i'm not sure why she left them here. mostly they've been on their own too b/c i think their dad is dead. i think milham was helping take care of them until he came to nairobi. they both go to boarding schools now i think, so i guess they're not really at a home. i try to understand how people can leave their kids here when they go away, but i can't.

catie came back from tanzania. get this, when you cross the border, you are charged for a visa based on your nationality. most people are charged $50. but americans, mexican, and french are charged $100. is that massive discrimination or what??? catie said the french people caused a massive uproar at the border over this.

alex spent yesterday building a mud house in kibera. he's making it into a Bible study area for different kids in the "neighborhood" to hang out. i thought that was really awesome of him.